Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize