Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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