when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's shark week go big or go home
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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