if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
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You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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