Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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