I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
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He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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