I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize