i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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