Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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