nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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