in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize