Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize