i jhust puked up my retainher.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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