so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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