When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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