u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
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watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
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I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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