Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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