I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
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I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
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The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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