Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize