I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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