this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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