i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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