Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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