the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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