there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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