I hate your face
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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