Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
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I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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