Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize