I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
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I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
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I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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