We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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