he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize