# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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