the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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