When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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