you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
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If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
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Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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