remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
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I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
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I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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