So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Found the puke drawer
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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