You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
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All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
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I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Holy shit dude........stairs
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