She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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