I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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