Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
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Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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