I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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