I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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