I wish I could teleport
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
