ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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