Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
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you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
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Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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