Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize