I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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