Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
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BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So squirting runs in the family.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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