forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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